Oh, Hi there!
You were probably just sitting there thinking, "Know what, self? Know what I was just here thinking?" To which, you probably replied to yourself, "No, self. Do tell! What on earth were you thinking?" To which, you would cordially answer, "Oh, a great number of things. When do I, and do I not capitalize the 'e' in Earth? Probably just then, as I'm using it as the name of our planet, as opposed to the description of dirt. More importantly, I was thinking of this Great Recession we're in."
BITCH MUTHA GRUBBIN' SLAP.
Did you read the title to this post? I don't want to hear that word. For the remainder of this post, the RECESSION will be henceforth refered to as FLOWERY TWAT.
Is anyone else sick of hearing about Flowery Twat? I, for one, can't take it anymore! Every commercial I see is about a stimulus package for Flowery Twat* or how to get a good bargain because you don't have extra money due to the Flowery Twat. Sometimes you turn on the news and it's a story about how the Flowery Twat is leaving people homeless (which is a real bummer. thanks, The News. you're a real glass-half-emptier, The News. Dick.), or how it's the worst Flowery Twat since the Great Depression.
What I particularly love are Commercials Regarding the Flowery Twat. Wake up. The mere fact that there's a need for commericals proves commercialism is still rampant in America. Commericals that teach you how to 'save money' by 'having more meals at home.' If this were really the Greatest Flowery Twat since the Great Depression, then wouldn't you be eating at home anyway - or maybe you'd be in a bread line, because...you know...THERE'S NO MONEY TO EAT?
On that same note, the commercials that teach people how to shop sales. Excuse me? Who are these people that dined out every night in brand new clothes for which they paid full sticker price? If you can't figure out how to eat at your house and buy clothes on sale, you deserve to be broke. The reason these people are having to eat at home and buy clothes on sale, or from an outlet (perish the thought!) is because they filled up their credit cards and can't get more credit. I've not bought new clothes for myself in over a year and buy groceries with every paycheck to last two weeks. Eat my ass, Wal-Mart.
"Times are so tough out there!" Bitch bitch bitch. Moan moan moan. I hate my job. I need a bigger house. I want a new car. I went out drinking 4 times this week. I ordered out because I didn't feel like cooking. I need a new shirt to wear out Saturday night.
And here's the deal - the more we talk about The Flowery Twat, the longer it's going to hang around. My grandmother always said, "Don't let the bastards get you down." She was right. She was damn right. Look that Flowery Twat in the eye and say, "FUCK YOU, FLOWERY TWAT. I'M IGNORING YOU. I'M GOING TO WORK HARD, SCRAPE BY AND GET THROUGH THIS. TO SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS, I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT EXPENSIVE THINGS. KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I CAN. IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO THINK ABOUT EXPENSIVE THINGS."
Good for you. I'm sure you could have come up with something else, but that's your first time facing your fears. You have to take that shit slowly.
Honestly, now. Wouldn't it be more fun to see commercials about spending money? Who wants to be depressed about the mediocre things you CAN purchase, when you can pump yourself up thinking about SAVING YOUR PENNIES UP IN ORDER TO GET THE THING YOU REALLY WANT. I know that isn't Good Old American Instant Gratification, but it's the way I've ALWAYS LIVED MY LIFE.
I should have racked up more credit card debt when I had the chance and bought that Prada purse. Oh, well.
* That's right - I said 'stimulus package for a flowery twat.' You're welcome.
You were probably just sitting there thinking, "Know what, self? Know what I was just here thinking?" To which, you probably replied to yourself, "No, self. Do tell! What on earth were you thinking?" To which, you would cordially answer, "Oh, a great number of things. When do I, and do I not capitalize the 'e' in Earth? Probably just then, as I'm using it as the name of our planet, as opposed to the description of dirt. More importantly, I was thinking of this Great Recession we're in."
BITCH MUTHA GRUBBIN' SLAP.
Did you read the title to this post? I don't want to hear that word. For the remainder of this post, the RECESSION will be henceforth refered to as FLOWERY TWAT.
Is anyone else sick of hearing about Flowery Twat? I, for one, can't take it anymore! Every commercial I see is about a stimulus package for Flowery Twat* or how to get a good bargain because you don't have extra money due to the Flowery Twat. Sometimes you turn on the news and it's a story about how the Flowery Twat is leaving people homeless (which is a real bummer. thanks, The News. you're a real glass-half-emptier, The News. Dick.), or how it's the worst Flowery Twat since the Great Depression.
What I particularly love are Commercials Regarding the Flowery Twat. Wake up. The mere fact that there's a need for commericals proves commercialism is still rampant in America. Commericals that teach you how to 'save money' by 'having more meals at home.' If this were really the Greatest Flowery Twat since the Great Depression, then wouldn't you be eating at home anyway - or maybe you'd be in a bread line, because...you know...THERE'S NO MONEY TO EAT?
On that same note, the commercials that teach people how to shop sales. Excuse me? Who are these people that dined out every night in brand new clothes for which they paid full sticker price? If you can't figure out how to eat at your house and buy clothes on sale, you deserve to be broke. The reason these people are having to eat at home and buy clothes on sale, or from an outlet (perish the thought!) is because they filled up their credit cards and can't get more credit. I've not bought new clothes for myself in over a year and buy groceries with every paycheck to last two weeks. Eat my ass, Wal-Mart.
"Times are so tough out there!" Bitch bitch bitch. Moan moan moan. I hate my job. I need a bigger house. I want a new car. I went out drinking 4 times this week. I ordered out because I didn't feel like cooking. I need a new shirt to wear out Saturday night.
And here's the deal - the more we talk about The Flowery Twat, the longer it's going to hang around. My grandmother always said, "Don't let the bastards get you down." She was right. She was damn right. Look that Flowery Twat in the eye and say, "FUCK YOU, FLOWERY TWAT. I'M IGNORING YOU. I'M GOING TO WORK HARD, SCRAPE BY AND GET THROUGH THIS. TO SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS, I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT EXPENSIVE THINGS. KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I CAN. IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO THINK ABOUT EXPENSIVE THINGS."
Good for you. I'm sure you could have come up with something else, but that's your first time facing your fears. You have to take that shit slowly.
Honestly, now. Wouldn't it be more fun to see commercials about spending money? Who wants to be depressed about the mediocre things you CAN purchase, when you can pump yourself up thinking about SAVING YOUR PENNIES UP IN ORDER TO GET THE THING YOU REALLY WANT. I know that isn't Good Old American Instant Gratification, but it's the way I've ALWAYS LIVED MY LIFE.
I should have racked up more credit card debt when I had the chance and bought that Prada purse. Oh, well.
* That's right - I said 'stimulus package for a flowery twat.' You're welcome.
1 comment:
Perpetuators of the Flowery Twat mindest: Rick Sanchez (should die), Susan Lisovich, and Tony Harris. All broadcast the news on CNN. I'm forced to watch the Crap News Network all day, every day. Major media would have nothing to discuss if it weren't American economic meltdowns or Somali pirates. I like your blog, Emily. Nicky Bundy referred me. So... I guess... Finders fees are in order.
-Wes Boggs-
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